My husband has always been forgetful. Some would call him a "typical man" because he often forgets certain grocery items he was suppose to pick up or whose night it is to do the dishes. Other than his obvious need for a dose of ginko boloba every day, he’s an amazing man and wonderful husband… the problem is, he forgets he’s my husband!
I know this sounds really strange on paper. Here’s the story: we have been together for almost 2 years and 3 months ago we eloped. We went to the court house, signed the papers, had a great dinner to celebrate and finally told all our friends and family after the fact. He had always referred to me as his fiance, even when I didn’t have a ring, but when we eloped, it was finally official. We thought briefly about having a big wedding for "show" without telling everyone we were really already married but quickly decided against it. We agreed we’re happy with just having eloped and getting it over with without a big production. Unfortunately, I’m starting to think he NEEDS a big production just to remember we’re married!
I’ve caught him several times filling out forms for me with my maiden name and when I try to laugh it off thinking its just too new to remember, he draws a blank until I remind him my last name is HIS last name now. I’ve also been noticing him introduce me as his fiance still which is MORBIDLY embarrassing to correct in public because it would make him look so ridiculous. The last straw was yesterday when he was correcting his life insurance policy to apply to me, he said he’d like to change his beneficiary to "his fiance" and he got a personal email from his agent advising him to "wait until we’re married". What the heck!?!
Do most "recently married" couples go through this, or am I in a situation where I’m going to have to ACTUALLY have a wedding to make it legit to him?? I’m so confused (not to mention offended!) but want to get everyone’s opinion before I make a decision to fly off the handle or just be calm and accept his forgetfulness as a trait I always loved him for!
It’s normal, even the using your maiden name part, especially with how long you were together but not married. Just give it time.
Loadnabox | Nov 24, 2009
Since you lived together for so long and have been married for only a short time it could just be that he keeps forgetting. He is doing all the things that a normal man would do after being married such as changing life insurance and what not. What you might want to consider is perhaps having a big party to celebrate you marriage so that will remind him but I don’t think you need to the whole ceremony thing.
Grandma Is God | Nov 24, 2009
So have a little gathering in your back yard, your parents’ yard, etc among family and friends and exchange vows if he feels that’s important. It doesn’t need to be a huge deal. You’re mistaken about weddings. One doesn’t need to have a huge wedding to have a nice one. Many people do it in their own back yards with a minister and family and maybe a few friends.
But no, my husband never forgot I was his wife. Perhaps a neurological evaluation is in order? A few times I used my maiden name at first..accidentally.
Jashebe | Nov 24, 2009
I think I would just get a personalized T-shirt that said in big bold letters on the front and back:
MRS. "__________"
and wear it around the house until it stuck in his head. Cheaper than a big wedding.
Perhaps a lot of post-it’s about the house like on the bathroom mirror, coffee pot, car rear view mirror where ever he frequent a good bit.
But I’d do this in love not bitterness.
DK41 | Nov 24, 2009
He’s a typical man. My fiance and I have been engaged for almost a year now and he still forgets to introduce me as his fiance. Like your husband, he’s always been forgetful so I don’t hold it against him.
Angie | Nov 24, 2009
really sounds like he really doesn’t want to be married because husbands and wives know when their married.
M | Nov 24, 2009
Talk to him about it. Ask him if a wedding is what he needs to feel the marriage is legit. It is normal to a point for him to introduce you or use your married name but when you have to actually remind him because he "seems" lost to the fact you are married that is not normal. Talk to him about it if he feels that a wedding is what he needs to feel the marriage is legit then have a small Intimate ceremony and go from there. When I got married I had to tell my husband that my name was not "my wife" but Shaunda and to introduce me as his wife shaunda, but all guys are different.
Sklong | Nov 24, 2009
Men are always forgetful. My fiance called me his grilfriend for the first year we were engaged. He is just now calling me his fiance (a year and a half later) and we are getting married in a month! Do you ACTUALLY think a wedding will make him remember to call you his wife? If you want a wedding, have one, but don’t do it for that reason.
Jenn F | Nov 24, 2009
I sometimes refer to my husband as my boyfriend. When we were engaged I never referred to him as my fiance because it felt funny I would just say partner or boyfriend. We had a short engagement and were married this Feb. He sometimes calls me his girlfriend by accident but we are both getting better at remembering. I still sign my maiden name sometimes too and he booked a plane ticket in my maiden name not his. I have never been embarrassed or thought it was a big deal. Just laugh it off.
Kels_Bells | Nov 24, 2009
Any marriage ceremony, even an elopement to the courthouse, is pretty significant. Most recently married couples are so giddy with happiness that they look for ways to tell the world they are now married. You might try calling him "husband" instead of by his name, such as, "How was my husband’s day today?", or when you talk to him on the phone say, "This is your wife calling." I don’t think another ceremony is going to change your husband’s ability to remember he is married. After three months of reminders and he’s still not remembering, I’d be getting concerned that this is more than just a quirk. Something medical or psychological may be going on. I’d hate for him to be hospitalized in an emergency and not identify you as his next of kin.
Maria | Nov 24, 2009
I could see if he accidentally referred to you as his fiance 2 or 3 times. But this many times in the last 3 months. That’s not normal! Stop laughing this off. Make him responsible for his mistake and I’ll bet he will remember who you are.
If he introduces you to someone as his fiance. Simply say, "excuse me, I’m not your fiance." Let him get embarrassed that he can’t remember you are his wife. If it happens enough times, he’ll remember to save himself anymore embarrassment.
You didn’t say how old your husband is. If he continues to forget you’re his wife, tell him maybe he needs to see a doctor to find out if he has dementia, because of his inability to remember you’re his wife after 3 months, isn’t normal.
Betty M | Nov 24, 2009
I’ve never known anyone to do it that long but I guess it’s just being done out of habit. I know that occasionally I’ll still find myself writing my maiden name (and I’ve seen my husband do it too) and we’ve been married almost 7 years! Don’t read too much into it and remember this will be one of those things that you guys will look back at and laugh.
little mama | Nov 24, 2009
It would bug me, honestly, it can be forgotten for maybe a week because things sometimes need time to get used to but not 3 months. I think the correct way of naming things what they are is in order. I would actually dare to correct him in public and not care if people think you are a b… but this could actually emphasize it so much, he could wake up and finally notice it. I say try it and don’t give up on it. The reason alone for writing so much about it is enough for me to see it bugs you very very much.
I don’t think he does it purposely but I do think he just doesn’t pay attention. Good luck
Mia | Nov 24, 2009
My husband really loves me tons. No doubt about it at all. We have been together 3.5 years and married almost 2 (next month, yay!). My name is Melissa and from time to time he still spells it Mellisa. Drives me NUTS! How the F can he not know how to spell my Name?
It’s a man thing. They are missing some important brain cells….
KissThis,Yahoo! | Nov 24, 2009
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